


distance

by weisjenga



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Socky - Freeform, binwoo - Freeform, depending on how you look at it, i guess this is a university au, kind of, rockbin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 08:06:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14280630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weisjenga/pseuds/weisjenga
Summary: a change in distance. a change in time. a change in heart. was this the speed they were growing apart from each other?





	distance

**Author's Note:**

> speed = (change in distance)/(change in time)  
> distance = (speed)(time)

i. before

            it was the hot summer days where they were inseparable, minhyuk strumming his guitar, notes floating through the air. running fingers through bin’s hair with one hand and scribbling a melody onto a page with the other. bin flipping through the pages of a book, latching onto minhyuk’s arm, pulling until minhyuk looked at him. smiles and gazes filled with affection, unending declarations of love.

            it was walking in the middle of the night, palms pressed together. bin leading minhyuk through the sparkling city lights, feeling untouchable, as bright as the stars. laughter ringing, 24/7 convenience store ramen eaten on edges of sidewalks as they leaned into each other and shared every detail of their lives.

            it was the hours that were tangled limbs in twisted bedsheets. passionate like the hazy green season slipping away from them. breathless, calling out each other’s names, never wanting to let go.

            it was hanging on to their last days together, minhyuk crying at the airport as bin walked through the gates. _i love you_ and _i’ll miss you_ whispered into hairlines and shoulders and a promise to call every day. _it’ll be okay, yeah?_

that was how they believed it would be, forever.

 

ii. the next four years

            bin met dongmin in his first year. the boy with the cold appearance who lived across the hall from him, though bin saw him in physics every day, they never spoke.

            minhyuk called him before bed each day without fail. for hours and hours they talked, until one of them fell asleep. some nights they stayed until the sun came up. bin struggled to stay awake in class, but it was worth it, he thought.

            bin would come to learn that maybe he should have paid more attention to his professor talking about _distance, speed, time._

            they counted down the days until they could see each other again. a semester felt like an impossibly long time. halfway through the first semester, bin finally befriended dongmin to give himself someone else to talk to when minhyuk was busy. he told minhyuk about his new friend, and in return, minhyuk shared stories of another boy he’d met in the music department, sanha. bin complained about his classes continuously, though he continued to ace all of them.

            _minhyuk, i miss you so much._

_i miss you too, binnie, i can’t wait for you to come home._

on the nights where bin couldn’t fall asleep, head spinning with numbers, minhyuk sang him to sleep. the thought of being together again soon was enough to keep them going.

            summer came around and they linked themselves to each other again. _binnie,_ minhyuk smiled, as he often did. _someday i’m gonna move to the city and record an album. do you think I can do it?_ and each time, bin would answer, _of course you can, and i’ll come with you, so we’ll be together after all this is over._

            by the second year, the daily calls turned into once a week. bin’s classes were busy enough that at first, he didn’t notice. there were still nights where bin cried himself to sleep because he missed minhyuk. but instead of talking to minhyuk, it was becoming easier talk to dongmin. he found he didn’t have much left to say to minhyuk. their lives were going in different directions, and there wasn’t enough to keep them close.

            _i love you, binnie._

_i know. i miss you._

_yeah, i know._

neither of them could quite bring themselves to say it back.

            minhyuk started questioning bin’s relationship with dongmin. _i told you, he’s just a friend._ it was true. but by the end of the second year, bin was spending more and more time with the other, who was everything that minhyuk wasn’t. minhyuk didn’t sing him to sleep anymore. bin threw himself further into his schoolwork, finding interest in the subatomic world. he wanted to find out how something could appear to be there, but disappear completely if you looked too hard.

            another summer passed by. bin still read his books, and minhyuk still attached himself to his guitar. now, minhyuk complained when bin leaned on him. _bin, how am i supposed to play if you’re doing that?_ he said, and bin silently moved to the other end of the couch.

            when they went out for dinner, bin still paid, but they didn’t hold hands across the table anymore. more often than not, minhyuk was tapping away on his phone.

_who’s that?_

_it’s sanha._ bin didn’t know if he dared ask further.

            in the moonlight, minhyuk was above him. gentle, but bin knew the desire was gone as well. minhyuk was still as beautiful as ever, torso outlined in silver and shadows. bin couldn’t bear to look at him. he closed his eyes, and he didn’t know how much time had passed when he felt something on his chest. bin looked at minhyuk and saw the other was crying, tears falling on him, except bin couldn’t see anything past that because he was crying, too. that was the last time.

            then, in his third year, dongmin asked bin if he wanted to be roommates. bin agreed without a second thought. minhyuk was hardly on his mind anymore, save for a couple of texts a week that bin didn’t always get around to replying to.

            _bin. how are you?_

_fine. and you?_

_same._

_well, i have a lot of work to do, so maybe i should go._

_me too. um, i love you._

_okay._

            when minhyuk picked up bin from the airport over winter break, bin didn’t feel a thing. minhyuk pulled him in for an awkward hug and an empty _hey._ both of them had learned so well how to be without the other that it took them longer every time to relearn how to be together. bin had realized that one of these days, they weren’t going to make it. he just didn’t think it would be so soon. still, they kept hanging on, exhausting every last remnant of what they used to have.

            on the last day of third year, bin’s phone rang with a number he hadn’t seen in four months. bin answered without a word.

 _binnie? are you there?_ bin’s heart clenched at minhyuk’s familiar voice with a name he couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard. yet, he felt no rush of happiness.

_yeah. what is it?_

_we should talk._

_then, talk,_ bin found himself snapping, surprised at his own anger.

_i need something…closer._

_just one more year, minhyuk,_ he protested, but his heart wasn’t in it. for almost two years he’d seen this coming, and somewhere along the way, he’d let himself stop holding on. just as much as minhyuk, he’d let them drift apart.

_not like this. i don’t think i love you the same way anymore._

_i know._

_let’s stop forcing it, then._

_i really did love you, minhyuk._

_and i loved you too. goodbye, bin._

            when had the weight of their love stopped being enough? unable to outrun the distance between them? if it hadn’t taken so much time for them to notice what they’d let happen. if they hadn’t given up so fast. apparently, for all the formulas bin surrounded himself with, none of them accounted for a change in heart.

            that night, bin grabbed dongmin by the collar and kissed him.

            bin flew home two days later and found his hometown turned into an unfamiliar place. construction in places he hadn’t noticed, small changes here and there over the years that he was suddenly seeing alone for the first time. without thinking, bin walked into what had been his and minhyuk’s favourite coffee shop. the inside was completely renovated and bin didn’t recognize a thing. bin’s eyes drifted to the corner, where he’d spent countless afternoons with minhyuk, studying and wondering about the future. and he saw minhyuk, sitting there, eyes dancing and that blazing smile he reserved for bin. only this time, it wasn’t. there was _someone else_ sitting across from minhyuk, that was _someone else’s_ hand he was holding, _someone else_ making him smile like that,

            and

                        and

                                    and it _hurt._ minhyuk didn’t see him. bin pretended not to see minhyuk. he turned around and left.

            he didn’t belong here anymore.

            in his fourth year, bin pushed any remaining thoughts of minhyuk out of his head. once in a while, he’d blink and tears would splash onto the page in front of him. he knew it was for the best. but that didn’t stop the days when the memories decided to rush at him and he collapsed onto the floor, crying over what they could have been. those days, dongmin sat with him for as long as he needed and convinced him it was going to be alright. it took bin the whole year before he believed it.

iii. ever after

            years later, bin would go on to win an award, recognizing his outstanding work in the quantum field. minhyuk would move to the city after graduating like he’d always talked about doing. there, he’d sign to one of the biggest record labels in the country.

            one night, bin would turn on the radio and hear the beginning of a melody from his memory. this time, a clear studio recording of the song he’d only heard through the phone, and he’d fondly remember the boy with a voice brighter than the sun. all the time they’d spent together, now bin could think back on those times without a trace of bitterness. bin knew that the music was coming out of the radio, but it felt like it was radiating out of him, and it sounded like every warm day, every starlit night they’d shared.

            and when the song was over, the radio host would say,

_there’s rumours that rocky wrote this song over seven years ago, when he was still in school. in his most recent interview he confirmed this rumour. according to him, he wrote it to sing to his first love when they were in different parts of the country for school. you can really feel the passion in this song, don’t you think? whoever it was, you can tell they had the kind of love everyone hopes to have at least once in their life._

            bin would turn off the radio with tears running down his face.

            and one day, bin would be in the grocery store with dongmin, their daughter holding his hand. he’d turn the corner and stop so suddenly that dongmin runs into him. at the other end of the aisle, bin would see a man that the world knew as rocky, but to him would always be park minhyuk, the boy who looked like summer.

 _daddy? what’s wrong? who is that?_ his daughter would ask. and dongmin would scold her for pointing, place a hand on bin’s waist for support.

_hmm? don’t worry about it, sweetie. he’s…an old friend. someone i loved very much, a long time ago._

            they’ll wave to each other, and minhyuk will smile his unforgettable smile. bin will nod and smile back, for all they’d been through together.

_it’ll be okay, yeah?_

_yeah._

            and outside, the sun will shine.

**Author's Note:**

> i know this is...messy but it was bothering me for three days so i had to write it,, i think i cried at least three times but i can't even tell if it's sad or if it's just me....it's probably just me??
> 
> don't worry i'm still working on the next chapter for the place farthest from goodbye!!  
> this is work number 1000 in astro :')
> 
> come find me on [tumblr](https://eunwoohearts.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/eunwoohearts)!


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